How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
