Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
