She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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