i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
