so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
cat food counts as protein by the way
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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