i need an iv and a liver transplant
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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