and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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