i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have aggressive nipples.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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