It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
