I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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