On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
