i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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