That's intense
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
