that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
