Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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