I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
