At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
3 2 1 whiskey
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
