I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
