im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My ATM looks so different sober.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
