Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
