Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
