He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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