you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
