he thought i was a dude.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
