I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
