I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
