hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
