you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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