Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
