I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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