I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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