Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
