Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
