I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
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I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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