Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
did i just pee glitter
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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