I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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