I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
