I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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