So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize