The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
