i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
