Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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