you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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