I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
