Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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