she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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