guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
