Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
