it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
