What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
