i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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