thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
