i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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