Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
