Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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