im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.