I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
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How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half