So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.