if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
