Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
