Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
