Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize