i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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