I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
