Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
