Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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