and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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