We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
