Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
