I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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