i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
