She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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