Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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