i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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