Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
