i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh god it's open bar.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
