Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?

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(443): View more from Maryland

He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.

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(850): View more from Florida

i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday

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(914): View more from New York

We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.

(920): View more from Wisconsin

The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty

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