Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
