just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
