I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
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Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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