The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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