I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The ass gains better be worth it
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