you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
