Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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