Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
