it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
