why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize