I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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